Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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