u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
3pm strippers are depressing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
