hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize