How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need moral support for this bender
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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