If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
