god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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