did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
