this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
