I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
