That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
