We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
