hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
