this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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