he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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