if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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