she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
