Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
