Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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