Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
