I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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