a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
