remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
