She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
