There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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