im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
