i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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