I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
