I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
