I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
