u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize