She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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