Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
