so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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