There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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