so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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