so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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