I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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