wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
