I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
