My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
