you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
