Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
