I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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