the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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