puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
