census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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