I think I am morally bankrupt
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
