Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
