He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
