I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
