It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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