Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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