I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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