i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
