Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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