I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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