I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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