I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
