Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
