tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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