This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I die, sorry about rent.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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