your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
