Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
