This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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