She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
