Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
