im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
