And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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