real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
