She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
