wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
